As is mostly the case, my feelings of “not enough” stemmed from my childhood. Looking back, I had an idyllic childhood. We always had enough. We had our own home, a swimming pool, plenty of food, annual vacations. But my mother was very, er, thrifty, to put it mildly. In my younger years, I was made to wear hand-me-downs from my older brother. We got our hair cut at the same barber (yes, I looked like a boy for a while), and my mother cut the toes off our shoes with a bread knife to make them last longer. Fortunately, that trend didn’t last long.
I met what was to be my best friend for the next 8 years, in nursery school at the tender age of 3 1/2. Her father was a lawyer and her mother spent her days playing bridge, golf and tennis while the nanny looked after her. It wasn’t a very healthy friendship and I was constantly reminded of how much better off she was than I. That added to my feelings of not enough. That, and the fact that she was better than me at everything – sports. academics, everything.
Then, in high school, I was terrible at math. My grade 9 teacher had all the kids that were not so good at math, all sit in the same row, and then called us the “special needs row” at various intervals throughout her classes.
I’m sure there were many more instances that contributed to my feelings of not enough, but those are the three that stood out the most. As a result, I lost jobs where I (subconsciously) thought I didn’t deserve the pay. I was drawn to renting homes that were a little run down. Money that I asked the Universe for always came to me via someone else – mostly my husband, and although he was always good enough to share it with me, I only ever received half of what I had asked for.
And then, one day I got tired of settling for second best. It was round about the time that we needed to move house and I was determined not to move until I had found a home that we really wanted. I was no longer prepared to settle for anything less. I made a list of requirements, from price range to number of bedrooms and bathrooms, type of area I wanted to live in – all the things that would make a comfortable and beautiful home. A place we would want to spend time in and have friends and family want to spend time in also, and then I resolved not to settle for anything less.
I looked at five houses in two weeks, each one being close, but not quite what we wanted. My habit was to ‘settle’ and take one that I could ‘work with.’ But I remembered my promise to myself not to settle and continued my search. The sixth house was everything we wanted and more, and I fell in love. I meditated on it, I imagined myself living there, I imagined the landlord saying “yes” to our application. Three days later it was ours.
It took a few more months for me to realize that I can apply that to all the other areas in my life (yes, I’m a bit slow!) and decide that I am no longer willing to settle for second-best. No more wearing my husband’s hand-me-down tee shirts to work out in, no more receiving money through someone else, no more relying on other people to make me feel better about myself. From that day forward, I am going to be FIRST. I am going to put myself FIRST, and I am no longer prepared to SETTLE.
A free money SOUL-utions webinar on Facebook was the final piece of the puzzle that turned everything around for me and lead me to an amazing community where I met people to help me in my journey and support me in living life on my terms and by my own design. I am so grateful to have found this wonderful community.
Message me on Facebook for access to join the money SOUL-utions group and watch the four webinar units that changed my life. Or leave me a comment below and I’ll send you an invite.
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You don’t have to settle for second-best anymore. You are enough and perfect just the way you are.